So I wrote another one of these for no reason:
Beth dropped her gathered DVD cases on the counter. The titles - A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and Sleepy Hollow - were thrust in Darcy’s line of vision, a not-so-subtle reminder that she was, in fact, at work. Beth twirled a lock of her auburn hair as she craned her neck over her shoulder, coyly stealing a look at Peter, who was pawing through the ‘Foreign’ section.
“Which one of these is not like the others…” Darcy deadpanned in what was an intentionally lackluster singsong. It complimented her posture - legs tucked indian-style in an unfortunately dilapidated swivel chair - quite well.
“What?” Beth snapped out of her concocted wistfulness, perfected through a history of flirting that dated as far back as 7th grade, uncharacteristically lacking grace.
“The movies.”
“Yeah. I’m getting movies. It’s a movie store.”
Darcy suppressed the tiny voice in her head that said she could be doing much better things with her time. “Well, technically it’s a multimedia rental distribution center, but at this point it’s just semantics.”
To say the sarcasm didn’t jibe with Beth would be an understatement. “I’m sorry,” she began, not sounding the least bit sorry. It occurred to her that she once read in Cosmo that an effective method to deal with salespeople was to call them by name. So before continuing, she paused, leaned in, and attempted to read the nametag that adorned this mordant blonde. “Darcy,” the synapses in her brain processed during an embarrassingly long span, given its owner had purposefully fastened the tag upside-down.
“…I’m sorry, DARCY, but shouldn’t I like, pay now?”
“Oh, of course. But usually we do a pre-rental consultation before currency changes hands.”
Beth’s posture slacked to its calculated combination of carelessness and curves as she took the bait. Perhaps she was a deserving match for the gentleman that nearly had an aneurysm attempting to pronounce the title of “Le Père de Mes Enfants” just five minutes earlier.
“Oh.” It was strange, but Beth was willing to see if this would lead to some sort of free promotional deal.
“As I was saying, you almost had a theme going,” Darcy said as she pulled herself up to the opposite side of the counter. Her legs stayed tucked, feet fitting under the frayed armrests that served as the cradle for what must have been years of occupational malaise, but she was close enough to push the DVD cases into what was actually a very well-presented fan formation.
“Yeah. Scary movies. I think Sleepy Hollow is scary.”
“Well, yes, but I was thinking Johnny Depp in scary movies.”
“Johnny Depp is in Sleepy Hollow.” Beth’s hopes for an offer of some exclusive customer loyalty program were nosediving.
“Yes. And he’s in Nightmare on Elm Street.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Yes. Yes he is.”
“I don’t see him on the cover.”
“Because he wasn’t famous then.”
The statuesque 2007 Harvest Fair Queen Runner-Up didn’t take kindly to her expertise being challenged. After all, she had seen a LOT of Johnny Depp movies. Frumplestiltskin - it was like she wasn’t even trying to be pretty today - across the counter had no right to intimate some sort of void in what she considered to be an above-average intimacy with Depp’s career.
“If Johnny Depp was in this movie,” she said, ramming her index finger into the cover, “who did he play?”
“He was the boyfriend. His bed eats him.”
Peter sauntered over, jerking his head to let gravity re-position the cascade of bangs that fell over his brow. “Hey lady,” he said in an affectionate cadence as he slung his arm over Beth, “this German movie’s got boobs on the back cover.”
Beth ignored the found areola, locked in to the debate she backed into.
“Uh - maybe I’m wrong - but Freddy Kreuger is the bad guy in this movie. Not some bed.”
Darcy rolled her eyes. “Bed, Fred - same difference. Three quarters of the way through the movie teenaged Captain Jack Sparrow is expelled in a geyser of gore and down.”
“Woah. Spoilers. NOT cool.” Peter threw up his hands, and pointedly inserted a finger in each ear canal as he backed away from the counter. Back to Foreign films, where Darcy would have to return the artifact of incidental nudity later that evening.
“Great.” Beth said with exasperation, clapping her hands flat on the counter. “Now we can’t rent that.”
Darcy made a quick assessment that she wouldn’t get much more out of this interaction. Time to wrap things up.
“Listen,” she said in a hushed tone as she leaned closer to Beth. It had the desired affect, as Beth leaned in as well. Fuck the loyalty card, she thought as the concept of free-rentals-as-punitive-damages occurred to her.
“You’re picking scary movies because you want to fuck this guy, right?”
Beth’s eyes widened at the gall. She turned checked to see if her beau had overheard before returning eye contact.
“Girl to girl,” Darcy continued. “I know what you’re looking to do. It’s a lot easier to get close when you have an excuse to cling to a guy during a movie. Scary movies have been an aphrodisiac for years.”
“Fine. Whatever. Yes.”
“Well, you’re picking the wrong stuff. Everybody knows these scary movies. The unknown is a great catalyst for fear. And fear, in your case, is a mechanism for justified physical contact.”
Beth considered her reasoning for the moment. She concluded that she should hear this girl out, as she used many words that she did not know the definition of.
“Okay…so…some hipster scary movie that one of your grody friends filmed in his basement?”
Darcy feigned jocularity, chuckling at what, on the Beth scale, was a formidable jab. She could be a good salesman when she wanted to.
“Hah, no. Not at all. These movies are totally mainstream.”
The petite video store employee sprang from her chair with enviable dexterity. Within a few moments she was back with three more DVDs.
“Nine dollars.”
“These are scary?” Beth said with slight skepticism as she examined the cases.
“Oh my, yes.”
“Come on, babe. Let’s go,” Beth called to Peter, who at this point had resorted to constructing the foundation for a miniature high-rise using the filmography of Lars von Trier. After she handed over the payment - one five, four one dollar bills - she slid the boxes into her purse. It was almost as if the titles were winking back at Darcy as they each disappeared into the handbag. Leaving Las Vegas, Boys Don’t Cry, and A Clockwork Orange.
Hope all those rape scenes don’t get in the way of a romantic evening, Darcy thought with a smirk.
